A Pause at the End of a Clause

No one seems to have any idea how to use a comma. This is partly due to the sometimes contradictory rules, but there are times when it is quite clearly wrong to include a comma, and other times when it is just as erroneous to omit one.

Everyone's heard the riddle "What is the difference between a cat and a comma?" The answer is "One has claws at the end of its paws, while the other is a pause at the end of a clause." This is one of the definitions of a comma, but by no means the be-all and end-all of its purpose and uses. In fact, if you only place a comma in your writing where you would pause while speaking, you'll probably include hundreds of unnecessary commas that really shouldn't be there.

In the above paragraph, there are two sentences that illustrate the "pause at the end of a clause."

1. One has claws at the end of its paws, while the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
2. This is one of the definitions of a comma, but by no means the be-all and end-all of its purpose and uses.

Both of these sentences have a connecting word immediately following the comma. You might conclude therefore, that there should always be a comma before a connecting word. That would be wrong, though. If you look more closely, you'll notice that each part of the above sentences could be a sentence on its own if you removed the comma and connecting word, and inserted a period instead. Eg: "One has claws at the end of its paws. The other is a pause at the end of a clause." Please note: Do not ever, on pain of death, leave out the connecting word while using a comma in a case like this.

Another common use for commas is with dialogue tags. This is actually much easier to do than the above example; however, I see it done wrong so often. For those who really have no clue, a dialogue tag is something like "he said" or "she whispered." A dialogue tag is not "he smiled" or "she wept." The simple rule is to use commas with dialogue tags, but use periods when it's not a dialogue tag, but a description or some such. Here are some examples:

• "I always hear 'punch me in the face' when you're talking," John said sarcastically.
• "Hello, Sweetie." River smiled.

If the dialogue tag (or a descriptive phrase) occurs in the middle of the sentence, it gets a little more complicated.

• Leonard sighed. "For God's sake, Sheldon," he said, "do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?"
• "Dear God." Sherlock shook his head in amazement. "What is like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring."

In the first example, Leonard speaks just one sentence, so no period is used. In the second example, Sherlock speaks three sentences: one before the interrupting descriptive phrase, and two following it. Therefore, periods are used. If we were to use a dialogue tag here instead, we would use a comma instead of the first period, like so:

• "Dear God," Sherlock said in amazement. "What is like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring."

A third use for the comma is when you are speaking directly to someone, using their name or title. Examples from the above text are "Hello, Sweetie" and "For God's sake, Sheldon..." This is probably the comma I see omitted the most often online. Please note that is it not correct to say "Hello Sweetie." That hurts my eyes. Don't do it.

A more advanced comma technique is to offset interrupting information in the middle of a sentence. I did this above as well: "Do not ever, on pain of death, leave out the connecting word while using a comma in a case like this." The phrase "on pain of death" is not necessarily needed in order for the sentence to be correct, but I wanted it in there, so I put commas around it to indicate that it was extraneous information that I inserted. You can also use the long dash—or em or en dash—to create a similar effect, but I find it to be much more dramatic so I save it for specific times when I want to look dramatic.

The most controversial comma use is usually known as the "Oxford comma" (although, it seems that Oxford no longer uses it). Most people know agree that when you're writing a list, you use commas between the items in the list. However, there is a debate whether you need a comma between the last two items on the list. You may have seen this on Facebook or Pinterest:

1. We invited the strippers, Stalin, and Hitler.
2. We invited the strippers, Stalin and Hitler.

The first sentence uses the Oxford comma; the second does not. This allows for confusion in the second sentence, as we try to figure out why in God's name you would hire Stalin and Hitler as strippers. For this reason, among others, I use the Oxford comma. It is not grammatically incorrect to omit it, but your meaning is usually clearer if you include it.

There are other rules and not-rules and conventions around comma use, but I believe I've covered the basics here. If you have any questions, let me know.

Run On!

Which of the following is a run on sentence?

1. I went to the store I bought milk.
2. I went to store to buy milk and, while I was there, I met my friend George who was buying white bread, so I stopped to talk to him, and I pointed out that whole wheat bread is a much healthier choice—he didn't care though because he likes the taste of white bread.

If you chose number 1, you get a plate of virtual cookies.

I believe that most people would choose number 2, because when they hear "run on" they think of a sentence that goes on and on; therefore, a long sentence. However, that is not the definition of "run on sentence." A run on sentence is "a written sequence of two or more main clauses that are not separated by a period or semicolon or joined by a conjunction." (Dictionary.com) In other words, two sentences jammed together without anything to join them properly into one sentence.

There are actually two kinds of run on sentences: fused sentences and comma splices. In the example above, number 1  is a fused sentence. I don't see these that often, but I do see a lot of comma splices, even in published works. The Song of Ice and Fire books by George R.R. Martin are full of them. A comma splice would look like this: "I went to the store, I bought milk."

Correcting a run on sentence is easy, but there is no one right way to do it. You have a few options. The simplest is to simply add a period: "I went to the store. I bought milk." But if you don't want the reader to make the full stop a period creates, you would use a semicolon: "I went to the store; I bought milk" or a long dash: "I went to the store—I bought milk." If you like, you could also use a conjunction: "I went to the store and I bought milk" or another joining word: "I went to the store where I bought milk."

A really long sentence is not necessarily a run on sentence. As long as you've punctuated correctly, and you have all the joining words you need, there is no limit to the length of a sentence. The only problem you run into then is confusing your reader: by the time a reader gets to the end of a really long sentence, they may forget how it began.

Remember: a run on sentence results when you try to join two sentences together without using the correct mortar. A comma is not strong enough on its own, so use a semicolon or a joining word, or just use a period and leave them separate. If you follow this, you can go on and on without running on. ;)