A Pause at the End of a Clause

No one seems to have any idea how to use a comma. This is partly due to the sometimes contradictory rules, but there are times when it is quite clearly wrong to include a comma, and other times when it is just as erroneous to omit one.

Everyone's heard the riddle "What is the difference between a cat and a comma?" The answer is "One has claws at the end of its paws, while the other is a pause at the end of a clause." This is one of the definitions of a comma, but by no means the be-all and end-all of its purpose and uses. In fact, if you only place a comma in your writing where you would pause while speaking, you'll probably include hundreds of unnecessary commas that really shouldn't be there.

In the above paragraph, there are two sentences that illustrate the "pause at the end of a clause."

1. One has claws at the end of its paws, while the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
2. This is one of the definitions of a comma, but by no means the be-all and end-all of its purpose and uses.

Both of these sentences have a connecting word immediately following the comma. You might conclude therefore, that there should always be a comma before a connecting word. That would be wrong, though. If you look more closely, you'll notice that each part of the above sentences could be a sentence on its own if you removed the comma and connecting word, and inserted a period instead. Eg: "One has claws at the end of its paws. The other is a pause at the end of a clause." Please note: Do not ever, on pain of death, leave out the connecting word while using a comma in a case like this.

Another common use for commas is with dialogue tags. This is actually much easier to do than the above example; however, I see it done wrong so often. For those who really have no clue, a dialogue tag is something like "he said" or "she whispered." A dialogue tag is not "he smiled" or "she wept." The simple rule is to use commas with dialogue tags, but use periods when it's not a dialogue tag, but a description or some such. Here are some examples:

• "I always hear 'punch me in the face' when you're talking," John said sarcastically.
• "Hello, Sweetie." River smiled.

If the dialogue tag (or a descriptive phrase) occurs in the middle of the sentence, it gets a little more complicated.

• Leonard sighed. "For God's sake, Sheldon," he said, "do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?"
• "Dear God." Sherlock shook his head in amazement. "What is like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring."

In the first example, Leonard speaks just one sentence, so no period is used. In the second example, Sherlock speaks three sentences: one before the interrupting descriptive phrase, and two following it. Therefore, periods are used. If we were to use a dialogue tag here instead, we would use a comma instead of the first period, like so:

• "Dear God," Sherlock said in amazement. "What is like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring."

A third use for the comma is when you are speaking directly to someone, using their name or title. Examples from the above text are "Hello, Sweetie" and "For God's sake, Sheldon..." This is probably the comma I see omitted the most often online. Please note that is it not correct to say "Hello Sweetie." That hurts my eyes. Don't do it.

A more advanced comma technique is to offset interrupting information in the middle of a sentence. I did this above as well: "Do not ever, on pain of death, leave out the connecting word while using a comma in a case like this." The phrase "on pain of death" is not necessarily needed in order for the sentence to be correct, but I wanted it in there, so I put commas around it to indicate that it was extraneous information that I inserted. You can also use the long dash—or em or en dash—to create a similar effect, but I find it to be much more dramatic so I save it for specific times when I want to look dramatic.

The most controversial comma use is usually known as the "Oxford comma" (although, it seems that Oxford no longer uses it). Most people know agree that when you're writing a list, you use commas between the items in the list. However, there is a debate whether you need a comma between the last two items on the list. You may have seen this on Facebook or Pinterest:

1. We invited the strippers, Stalin, and Hitler.
2. We invited the strippers, Stalin and Hitler.

The first sentence uses the Oxford comma; the second does not. This allows for confusion in the second sentence, as we try to figure out why in God's name you would hire Stalin and Hitler as strippers. For this reason, among others, I use the Oxford comma. It is not grammatically incorrect to omit it, but your meaning is usually clearer if you include it.

There are other rules and not-rules and conventions around comma use, but I believe I've covered the basics here. If you have any questions, let me know.